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Opinions of Friday, 6 March 2020

Columnist: MyNigeria

The thing about work husbands and work wives

Depressed man Depressed man

What I initially had in mind today was to ask you how many times you have washed your hands in a day just because of the fears of coronavirus. Because e be things mehn. Like I have become a handwasher by default. Every second I think of corona, I wash my hands.

But I can't count how many times I touch my mouth and nose and eyes in a day. If there is an outbreak in Berger or Ikeja, I must have caught on this virus. I have to hug guys and grab a gala on the way. Fear prevents me from picking the crumbs on the floor but if the last piece falls on my desk, I go pick am. And straight my hands will go to my eyes or clean the smirk of sweat on my nose.

It's not about glasses- I have been failing at every singular health advisory. What's worse? Nobody actually cares in Lagos. People give bear hugs and still sneeze in those hands after.

That's not the point of this article. Yes, it was meant to address my coronavirus concerns and failings until I stumbled on this thread by Oloni on Twitter. If you don't know the egghead of the Laid Bare Podcast, you may have come across her thread on work husbands and work wife.

In all honesty, I must confess this to you. Cheating is real. Now, when your wife cheats on you with some flimsy work buddy or whatever they call it, the hurt stings deep. That thing dey pain. This is not about gender. This is just a situation of flipping tables. As a man, you can get with several women and still have your wife. But the thought of your wife doing the same- hurts.

I can say that with my chest, from experience.

But that is not the point. The idea of a work husband is strange to me. It's a sinful thread of American women who exposed their randy relations at work with married men that had kids. Some with their bosses and not a single one of them regretted it. I'd like to believe this practice exists in Nigeria and it may not be explicitly explained like that.

But don't you think this generation is normalising cheating and irresponsibility? Like? What is the point of a 90-day rule or no sex before marriage or trust in the lord kind of marriage? A lot of Pastors recommend stricter rules these days like no kissing, hugging, smooching or touching.

It is funny because there is always a need for human touch- human contact with a loved one can extend one's life. Just holding hands alone gives longevity, imagine how amazing a shared kiss will be. Yet some pastors preach chastity in a depraved world of immorality. Talk about the blind leading the blind- and we remember the epic COZA saga.

Well, if wives now have work husbands and men, work wives, what's the point of exclusivity again- remind me.

You know what? Let's just abolish marriage and live openly. The bag is the bag, so is the game.