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LifeStyle of Friday, 19 March 2021


People are being hypocritical; they really don't want God-fearing partners

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Chances are that you just like the idea of a God-fearing partner, you really do not want one.

To be God-fearing is an established, transgenerationally-relevant prerequisite to dating and marriage for young Nigerians.

Over and over again it is said, emphasized and repeated by young people, especially ladies who are still waiting to meet the love of their lives, that a God-fearing partner is usually the best.

Someone who fears God, the popular opinion goes, will not do any or more of the unsavoury relationship/marriage tragedies that young Nigerians have come to fear so much.

Think domestic violence, unfaithfulness, side chicks, wanton disregard for marital responsibilities, etc.

Practice and experience has shown, however, that God-fearing isn’t really what people want. As a matter of fact, the continuous demand for a God-fearing partner seems to border on hypocrisy. Ignorance, at best.

It appears that what most people want is something else; some other idea that describes a partner that has a form of godliness but falls very short of the wholesome concept itself.

Here’s how.

It is not unusual to see someone who desires a ‘God-fearing’ partner to not care how that person treats others, insofar as they are good to them and them only. It’s also not uncommon to hear people express a desire for premarital sex with the same breath with which they express the need for a ‘God-fearing’ partner.

These are just a few examples of how people contradict themselves in the ceaseless quest for God-fearing.

Now, this is not an article of condemnation. Surely this writer can’t be castigating people’s lifestyle and/or relationship with the great guy up above the world so high.

In essence, the idea here is to point out the disparity between what people often mean when they say they want God-fearing and what the concept of God-fearing truly means.

Being that we all [Nigerians] belong to a deeply religious society majorly split in lines of Christianity, Islam and traditional religious beliefs, the correct idea of God-fearing can’t possibly sound alien to anyone.

Doctrines, teachings, morals and values enshrined in the holy books all often point in the same direction – the standard of God [whichever version you believe in] stands sure. Unbendable. You either get it right or not.

God-fearing, therefore, is the one who follows it all – proper treatment of others, sexual purity, love for humanity and God, the whole nine yards.

But as the eighth paragraph above shows, not too many people who claim to seek God-fearing really care about this tall order. As a matter of fact, some people who claim to desire God-fearing partners always insist on dating only people who actively break the code of God – especially on sexual matters.

Babe: “I want a tall, dark, pink-lipped, God-fearing partner.”

Same babe: “Ah, me I cannot marry someone that does not believe in premarital sex o. I have to test the goods before I buy them, please.”

As has been written above, it is either these people intentionally practice this hypocrisy or are just ignorant of the concept. Maybe don't just know what they want.

In my opinion, people just want to be treated right; to have an assurance that they are not wasting their time and effort on their partner and their relationship and that they are not going to be cheated on.

These people, oftentimes with good intentions, just want to be treated in the best way they know, and regardless of how pseudo-Godly that way is, they just lump it under the umbrella of God-fearing.

If everyone thinks really deep about it, we’ll all see that way too many people who desire God-fearing do not even want that. All they really want is someone who respects their personal definition of the concept.

And almost every time, personal definitions of the concept are either hypocritical or ignorant.