Why I ran away from my own wife

One evening my senior brother called me. Before the call, he had sent a text trying to convince me to tell my wife about my plan. I had told him already that I wasn’t going to tell her until I leave Ghana. So that call that evening was a follow-up to the text conversation we had. He said, “It’s not a bad thing to want to leave Ghana with your kids. Here in the UK, the kids can have access to a lot of opportunities, and that in itself is enough good reason to want to leave but tell your wife about it. It doesn’t matter if you’ll divorce her later. She’s the mother of your kids. The same kids you want to travel with, so why don’t you tell her?”

I asked, “If I tell her then what?” He said, “I don’t know what next but I believe the right thing ought to be done. You two are going to be connected forever no matter what, because of the kids so it’s better you don’t make things worse before you try to make it better. Tell her.” I said, “Let me think about it. Maybe I will but for now, my decision remains the same.”

He called every day asking if I had changed my mind. I told him every day that I wasn’t going to change my mind. Then he called my mother and told her everything. You know mothers and how they make you feel worse about situations. She asked, “So you were going to leave with your kids without telling me too?” I said, “No I was going to tell you eventually but not now.” She asked, “But why are you planning to sneak out with the kids without telling their mother? You want to steal your own kids?”

I explained everything to her. All the pain I’ve had to endure in the name of marriage. I thought she was going to support me. She said, “All you’ve said is nothing new. It’s part and parcel of marriage. Ask your dad if I hadn’t hurt him before. Call and ask him. I have hurt him on different many occasions. If he left me, maybe you wouldn’t be alive today planning on divorcing someone else’s daughter. I support you if you want to travel but set the home right before you leave.”

Before I knew it, my dad was also in the known. He called me at dawn so I had to walk out with the phone tucked between my ear and shoulder. He said, “I’m a man. I’m not happy about the things your wife had been doing to you. Maybe, if my wife did the same thing to me I would have divorced her too but there’s no way I’ll plan something as bad as what you’re about to do. I’m giving you two days, if you don’t tell her, I will come there and tell her myself. Men don’t run away. They face their problems with their eyes opened and their hearts thumping in their chest.”

He gave me two days but it took me two weeks before I was able to tell her. I said, “Joshua found an opportunity for me and the kids to travel to the UK. We are making arrangements. When the Covid situation gets better and the borders get opened, I’ll be leaving for the UK with the kids.” She asked, “What kind of opportunity is that? An opportunity that does not include me? Why didn’t Joshua add me?” I said, “I don’t know. Maybe financial constraint or maybe the terms and conditions don’t support both parents traveling.”

She said, “If it’s about money, I can pay. You need to ask for the details because you guys can’t leave me here. Who will take care of the kids there when you go with them?”

She kept rambling on while I sat there listening to her. She said, “Call Joshua and ask him or I should call him myself?” I didn’t answer that question. The next day, I called Joshua and told him that I had discussed it with her. He asked, “She didn’t have a problem with you leaving with the kids?” I said, “No she didn’t. But she wants to travel with us. She said she’ll call you.” He said, “Eish this woman! Anyway, now that she knows, you can do whatever you want and I’m happy she didn’t protest.”

She woke up each morning asking about the traveling; “Are we going together? Has Joshua said anything? I’m the woman. Why Don’t I go with them first so I come for you later?” I said, “Chill, the pandemic is still here. We can’t do anything now.”

All of a sudden, she became interested in whatever was happening in the UK. She was always monitoring the situations in the UK like an analyst will do. I don’t know what gave her the impression that I needed to hear such things from her. And guess what, she started living the life of a good wife. She called me “darling.” She prepared my food and served it in a very special way. Previously, I was the one going to the kitchen to serve myself. When our prepaid ran out, she picked her purse and went out to buy some top-up without asking me for money.

All of a sudden, she became the wife who provided financial support in everything and provided the needed comfort without being hurled to do so. Her pretense got me more infuriated but she thought she was doing the right thing. We continued living, hoping and praying for the way to be opened. In May, we started the traveling process again. I told her, “Joshua said I have to come with the kids first to make it easier for you to come later.” She asked, “How long would it take for me to join you after you guys are gone?” I said, “Not too long afterward. He said he’ll do everything possible for you to join us.”

When the time was right, I traveled with the kids and left her behind. I knew I wasn’t going back to the marriage again the day we left. Deep within my heart, I’ve lost the love, the friendship, the passion, and everything that made me marry her. When my brother asked me, “So now what?” I told him, “I’m done.” He said, “You have all the time to think deeply about it before you make the final decision. But if I were you, I would let it stay as it is. After all, you’re not together again so she can’t hurt you.”

As for my mom and dad, they’ve made it very clear to me that divorce is out of the equation but I know when the time comes and I make it known to them that I’m not marrying again, they’ll support me. I’m trying to find my own feet. That’s the most important thing to me now. When I finally leave the shadows of my senior brother, I will break the news to her.