You are here: HomeNews2021 11 14Article 495856

Entertainment of Sunday, 14 November 2021


After two years of dating, he says he doesn’t know me enough

Photo used to illustrate the story Photo used to illustrate the story

My name is Phoebe. I work in one of the international hotels in Ghana. I’ve been working there for the past five years.”

“Really? Five years of your life spent working in a hotel? Then they should be paying you very well to keep you for that long.”

“Actually, it’s not all about money. I love seeing and meeting new people—people of different colors and cultures. I get to achieve that dream through my job, that’s why I’ve stayed for that long.”

“You mean you’ll still stay if they didn’t pay you very well?”

“They pay me well for what I do so I don’t think about the what-ifs.”

That’s how our first date night went—Anthony and I. He wanted to know about me and what I did for a living. I took him through the walking path of my job and told him everything about it. He was a young engineer back then. He had found a job not too long ago and was trying to build a life for himself. I loved his personality and the way he conveyed messages with his body language even before the word comes out of his mouth. There was something authentic about him so when he proposed to me, I said yes.

Before I said yes to him I asked, “What do you want from a relationship of this sort? You want to have fun? You want a woman you can build your future with? You want someone you can study and see what happens in the future? Just be truthful about it. What you want won’t change anything. I just have to be sure of what I’m getting myself into.” His answer was straightforward. “I want a future wife in whoever I date. I’m not growing any younger. If I get a yes today, it shouldn’t take me more than two years to settle down.” I said, “Great. Then we are in this together. But if along the way, you change your mind or you find out that I’m not the person you really want to settle down with, don’t waste time. Just speak to me about it. I’m not a kid. I won’t throw myself on the floor and make a scene. I will understand you.”

The relationship took off nicely. He’ll call each morning and ask how my night went. His office is closer to the hotel that I work in so in the afternoons when he has time, he will pass by the hotel and we’ll talk for some minutes. Sometimes I would even arrange for him to have lunch there. All bills on me. Our evenings are pretty much straightforward. Is either he’ll come to my place and spend the night or I will go to his place.

We’ve been good from day one—no big drama. We’ve never had a fight that made us so angry that we went a day without talking to each other. We talk about everything including sex that didn’t go well. Both of us are like the open book to each other. He’s the sort of person who wants to know everything concerning my life. He’ll come to my room and see something new and go like; “When did you get this?” Or “Where did you get this?” Or Who got this for you?” I tell him everything. Because he asked those questions often, I learned to tell him even before he asks.
I see a lot of new and beautiful things every day because of the work I do. We have clients who stay with us for so long we sort of build a friendly relationship with them. These people will go back to their countries and come back with gifts for you. I receive a lot of these gifts every week. Perfumes, dresses, watches, shoes and what have you. I was open about it. When I had a unisex gift, I wrap it and give it to him as a gift from me. It got to a point where I started smelling some sort of dissatisfaction from his end. One day he made a comment like, “Your employees really pay you well for you to be able to afford this kind of lifestyle.” I smiled. He said, “Or there’s an invisible hand somewhere that I don’t know about?”

I said, “I live on my own sweat. Everything I’ve ever owned comes from my hard work. Yes, I receive gifts from people every now and then but those things don’t make me who I am.” It never stopped there. I changed my TV one day and he made that statement again. “Wow, that’s so big. Which of your clients gave this one to you?” I said, “I bought it myself. My parents needed a new TV so I sent the one here to them so I can get myself this one.” A client brought me a new iPhone. I wrapped it up and gave it to him. When he opened it, I expected to see the excitement on his face or even see some sort of contentment in his demeanor. But no. Immediately he saw it was a new iPhone he asked, “Which of them gave this to you?” I asked, “You mean I can’t buy a new iPhone for my boyfriend?” He said, “I know you don’t buy things. They give it to you.”

I said, “When you say “They” who are you referring to? You keep saying that and I’m beginning to wonder what you mean.” He said, “You know them yourself. Those people who have made it possible for you to live the way you live.” Honestly, I was hurt. I said, “If you don’t like the phone, just give it back to me. I can see you’ll never respect my effort but it’s alright. It’s up to you to believe it or not but let me tell you this. I make things happen for me. Go to the hotel and ask about me. I’ve won the best customer service employee award back to back. If I tender in my resignation today, I swear they won’t accept it because they know my value. You ought to see it too because you’re always with me.”

All he said was, “Sorry oo madam hard worker.”

We’ve dated for over two years. I asked him one day, “What’s up with us? What’s the plan for us in the next two years?” He said, “If you’re talking about marriage then I have this to say. I don’t know you enough for me to take that giant step with you. There are so many things I’m yet to learn from you. You can make it easier by opening up to me or you’ll make me go the long route of finding out things for myself.”

“Two years and you still don’t know me? What have you been doing all these years?”

“I’m here still trying to know your source of income. I can’t marry a woman whose source of income is unknown to me.”

“You think I have secret businesses that you don’t know about?”

“I’m an engineer working for a reputable international company yet I don’t have the money to live the kind of lifestyle that you live. You can’t tell me that you’re paid more than me. So where does the money come from.”

“Anthony, I worked for four good years before you had a job. That doesn’t mean anything to you?”

“Phoebe, I have friends who work in a hotel just like you. They even have top positions yet they don’t live like you.”

I saw the source of his doubt that day. He’s an engineer so he should be better placed than I am. Since that’s not the case, he has to suspect me of ill dealings. How do I solve his problem for him?

I can see from his actions that he loves me. I’ve spent days of my life trying to open up the best way that I can to him but he still doubts me. I don’t have the password to his phone. He has mine. Anytime he comes around, whether announced or unannounced, he finds me. He knows my job schedule. He knows my off days and what I do with my off days. Anytime he wants me, he gets me, yet he doubts me. Can a relationship like this have a future? If he drops his doubt and respect the kind of work I do, he’ll be a fine gentleman to spend forever with but as it stands now, he’s killing me with his suspicion of me.

Is there hope for a relationship like this? Or I should respect myself and walk away?

Join our Newsletter!